Saturday morning chutney making – blogging this so I have the recipe. I used this one, with a mixture of sultanas and raisins, yellow instead of red pepper, fewer tomatoes than stated (we only had 660g, some were green tomatoes from the garden) so more apple and onion to make up the weight. This made 10 8oz jars.
Sitting, pen in hand, with blank paper in front of me, I chastise my past self. I shout at her for being lazy, for not writing more, so that I would need to write less. But my past self was not ready to write: she didn’t know what I know now. Her thoughts had not crystallised, she had not read what I had read. I need to stop blaming past-me for what she did not do And start thanking her for what she did.
“Thank You” flickr photo by Orin Zebest shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
As anyone who lives in Glasgow will tell you, Glaschu means “dear green place” in Scottish Gaelic. And I feel very lucky to live in a vibrant city that has so many parks. Kelvingrove is the one I visit most, as it is so close to the Uni. Here’s the Uni tower, peeking through the trees in the park.
I walk there often, always with my camera. It never fails to soothe my mind as I wander up and down the familiar paths. Often I see a squirrel running freely, like this one:
Sometimes I look at the skyline instead. Glsagow gave this man the freedom of the city. Hmmm.
A few years ago I decided to make myself a blanket – something warm and cheery for the winter months. Also, unusually for me, I decided not to rush it. So, over the last 3 years I’ve been acquiring wool as memories. There’s wool from holidays on Mull, a visit to the Shetlands, a week on Orkney, a short break to the Cairngorms. There’s squares knitted in Shetland lace patterns, patterns made by the Uni knitter in residence years ago, there’s a Dalek, a Cyberman, K9 and a Tardis. Then, of course, there are two black cats. I have loved making it, and now it’s finished – and I can’t wait for the cold nights so I can spread it out on the bed.
I’ve let my doodling lapse recently – I’ve been busy working, and writing, and worrying. I miss it though – it’s good to switch off for a bit and relax. So I am thrilled that the CLMOOCers are joining up with a sister project, Write Out, for a month of doodles during October. Why not join us?
I’ve stalled. With just under five months till I submit my completed thesis I have run out of steam. I have no time to waste, and so I waste time. I know all of the advice – I have given it many times, but still I pause. My bookshelves are tidied, my yarn is sorted, my fridge is clean.
I still feel that I need to give myself permission to write. I’m framing my thesis as an auto-ethnography because that feels right – it feels authentic – but I still struggle to justify my approach. Maybe I worry that it is not rigorous enough – maybe my background in anglo-analytic philosophy has trained me to privilege an argumentative style over the explanatory … Maybe I need to channel my inner philosopher (note to self: do not channel your inner Deleuze).
Whatever, the time has come. I remind myself of one of my favourite quotes:
“Fool,” said my muse to me. “Look in thy heart and write.”